I vividly remember my grandmother, Kay, in the months before she died. Her lovely, papery skin, her mischievous blue eyes and bobbing brows, her long silver hair falling about her shoulders. In the mornings, she would twist it up with hairpins, slowly, but with the muscle memory of a life-time of this gesture. People would gather at her house most evenings, after an event, talking late into the night. By the end of the day, her feet had swollen terribly, so someone would hand her a finger of gin, take her feet onto their lap, slip off the binding shoes and medical stockings, and massage her precious feet. Feet that had danced with Isadora Duncan. Or, as she would correct me, “FOR Isadora Duncan. No one danced WITH Isadora.” Barefooted and briefly free of the pain and watery constraints, she would rise, her stance growing into the earth, her arms moving like soft ocean waves, and she would dance for us. Even as she stretched towards 90, walking slowly, holding tightly to an offered arm, pausing to rest at each step, my grandmother’s body had sway. To communicate with sway, we start with finding sway in our own bodies. This week:…Read on.

GLENDOWER:

“I can call spirits from the vasty deep.”

HOTSPUR:

“Why, so can I, or so can any man;

But will they come when you do call for them?”

--William Shakespeare, Henry IV, Part I—

Will they? Will they come when we do call for them? Will they be swayed by our words?  Will they change their minds?  Will they take action? Will they? What we say is important.  But how we say it determines its impact. How can we speak so that others will, not only listen, but will be swayed, moved, changed, by our words? My work with clients draws from the world of performance where artists have developed techniques that ground us in a clear structure, so that our work is free, present, agile, fluid, unexpected, human.  It sways.  Like a tree, deeply rooted, so that the branches are free to play with the wind, the birds, the buds, the storms, and seasons. We start by… Read on.

Thomas Woltz, the extraordinary landscape architect, is also an extraordinary speaker. He carries himself with a dignity and calm strength and is a perfect example of someone who “magnetizes in.” His stillness and poise are riveting. We are pulled towards his words. In his Charlottesville TEDx Talk, we can see this calm strength, feel the dignity, and the magentic pull of our attention. On January 1, 2023, I began a year-long on-line program with Rick Hanson called, The Foundations of Well-Being. Rick is a psychologist and mindfulness practitioner. In many of the weekly practices, he uses the phrases “calm strength” and “sitting with a sense of dignity.” As I sit for the practices, I feel my spine unfurl, the crown of my head grow towards the sky, my ribs expand. As the physical sensation of dignity and calm strength spreads through my body, an inner sense of dignity and calm strength takes root. I walk, stand, speak, from this place. Calm strength and dignity are qualities that people associate with presence, charisma, power, poise, and trust. Simply do this, every morning for a few minutes before we begin our day…Read on.

A year ago exactly, I wrote a post inspired by a dear friend, Deborah Lawrence about how to make friends. This past weekend I read a “Top Ten Things to Say to Make Friends” list written by a cherished family friend, Zoie. Zoie has many talents—she is a communicator, a community-maker, a leader (her school paper recently published an article about Zoie titled, “A New Leader Arrives”), and a very good friend to many. She listens deeply, answers every text within minutes, speaks out with courage, and is an unwavering, undaunted, supporter of the successes of others. A true friend. With her permission, I publish her list here. …Read on.

Here are a few things I always bring to events…Read on.

Yesterday a client asked what kind of chairs the panelists would sit in—she was concerned that they would be the typical “club chairs” favored by many organizations: over-sized, deep-seated, bulky arm chairs. She was wise to ask. Club chairs are perfect for anyone six foot and over. The rest of us (the average height for men in the US is 5’9” and for women, is 5’4”) can find ourselves swallowed up, lost in the nether reaches, falling deeper and deeper into the chair and struggling to pull ourselves out. On stage, we want to be present, alert, poised, and full of confidence. What to do?…Read on.

One very strange feature of virtual communication, aside from needing to look into a camera lens in order to have “eye contact,” is that we are asked to look at OURSELVES while interacting with others! It’s distracting, to say the least. Unnerving! And, did I say, distracting? Whether working with my clients on in-person or virtual communication, we use skills and techniques that consciously put our focus on the other, on the audience. So having our own visage mirror us, woo us, pull our focus, tease and antagonize us, adds a challenge to virtual communication. It’s hard to be present. And can make us feel anxious. So what can we do about the distraction of ourselves on our computer screens? Read on…

A friend recently said she was having a hard time fitting into the corporate world after leaving academia. She said she was “trying to be more professional.” When I asked what that meant, she said, “Somber. Serious.” She had been on a panel and found herself laughing, challenging, and enjoying the repartee. Reports are that she thrilled the audience with her wit and brazen candor. When we force ourselves into any external idea of how we should be, we end up with a two-dimensional, rigid, stock character. Rather than forcing ourselves into an idea of what a “professional” looks like (or sounds like!), I work with my clients to allow a free and alive presence, that is also appropriate to the situation. Many of us fear that if we are authentic, we will be inappropriate. Not so. As long as we are clear about…Read on.

This is just ridiculous. Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin with this. Ludicrous. Is the point to dehumanize our audience so we feel superior? To humiliate them? To infantilize them? Make them less threatening? Why do we think of the audience as an adversary to begin with? And how indeed do we hope to force ourselves to see something that isn’t even there? Should we ignore the dressed audience? Look away or over their heads? Squint? Sheesh. What a waste of everyone’s time to focus energy on what isn’t there when we could be falling in love with our audience, including our audience, giving a gift to our audience, engaging, embracing, dancing, playing with our audience. If we are scared, as most of us are, of speaking in public, there are many, many wonderful skills and techniques we can use to help us enjoy our time in the limelight. The basics are…Read on.

There is a myth out there that public speakers must be WILDLY ENERGETIC!!!! Like Tony Robbins. ALL THE TIME! Some people caffeinate, put on loud music, jump up and down, frantically pump themselves up for every talk. They will actually say, “I need to be anxious to have a good performance,” and worry if they are calm. I promise you, a caffeinated, anxious, intensely pumped up performance is not a great performance. What distinguishes a talk or performance is…Read on.

Is this how we want to leave our audience? Propped up and stifling a yawn? It’s true, there’s no stated rule that says talks must be boring (unlike the oft touted rule that talks need to “be redundant”). But in many cases my clients feel an unspoken expectation to be boring. They believe that lectures should be full of jargon. They believe that keynotes should be long, “high-level” (unspecific), and demand nothing from the audience because we all know that keynotes come after lunch and people need to digest. In recent weeks I have heard:…Read on.

I am proud to tell you that in my family I am know affectionately(?) as a “scofflaw.” I’m happy to break any rule that seems silly in the name of fun. My card-shark persona, “Krazy Kate” flouts the logistical and mathematical rules of any card game to such a degree that people wonder whether there is some insane brilliance behind the manic betting. There is not. I simply love to play with abandon. There are rules of public speaking I would like all of us to break with wild abandon. The first one is so ingrained in the lexicon of public speaking that it has become an automatic, habitual, and annoying tick. The over-used rule is: “Be redundant.” Please don’t. Unless you are Lady Redundant Woman, of course! We are told to…Read on.

If Tom Peters, renowned author of many best-selling books on business including, In Search of Excellence, were to say that he is good at anything—writing, teaching, connecting with others—he would have to admit that all of his skills come together when he is on stage giving a talk. I am honored to know Tom and often pick his brain about the skills and techniques that make him so compelling. He is always, “generous company.” Below are just a few of the tips he has shared over the years. And, trust me, there will be additions long after publication of this post! Tom is never done generating ideas! We begin here…Read on.

“It’s about connection with others.  And it’s also about staying connected with  yourself. As to why you’re doing this.  Why are you writing? Why are you drawing? What are your motivations?  And try to keep attentive to that. And so, by extension, you need to listen to yourself and you need to listen to others.” —Liza Donnelly. When I work with clients on speaking out and having a voice, I usually mean it literally. In this wonderful video, New Yorker cartoonist, Liza Donnelly, reminds us that self-expression is both vital and infinitely creative. Liza draws as she speaks, so we witness…Read on.

There were many things I learned in the African Theater class at college taught by the then-grad-student, Toyin Bello. One thing was to respond enthusiastically when Toyin asked a question like, “How are you all today?” We were jaded 20 year-olds, desperately cool, and would answer with a sour grunt. After watching a documentary on the musical Sarafina, where the cast and director would beam raucous and radiant welcomes to one another, I realized that Toyin was inviting us every day to join him in joy. I’m happily un-hip to this day, thank you Toyin! He also introduced me to the “Shakespeare of Africa,” Wole Soyinka, whose plays are still seared into my memory. Most importantly, Toyin taught me the true meaning of team work. He told us that …Read on.

Joan Goldsmith, a dear friend, co-author, and colleague of my father’s, recently found a typed copy of this essay while cleaning out her files. Dad’s words here compel us to make the connection between Leadership and Art. The essay was not published when he wrote it in 2002, but was included in the book, The Essential Bennis, followed by comments from Glenn Close. Dad loved the theater and I was lucky enough to benefit from his enthusiasm—we saw A Chorus Line on Broadway and Cats on the West End. His favorite author was Shakespeare of whom he said, “Every time I read Shakespeare, he’s learned something new!” He once said that Falstaff (“a fat, vain, and boastful knight, he spends most of his time drinking at the Boar's Head Inn with petty criminals, living on stolen or borrowed money”) was the first executive coach, sent by King Henry IV to prepare his son for the throne. Love that. Dad always connected Leadership and theater…and so do I. He wrote an article in Bloomberg called, Acting the Part of Leader and wrote the introduction to the book, Leadership Presence by Kathy Lubar and Belle Halpern, both performers who started the Ariel Group. I have to thank my father for so eloquently making the case for the work I do—using the skills and techniques of the theater to help people communicate as their full selves in the world. Here, he lays it all out for us. Enjoy…Read on.

“Art is choosing to do something skillfully, caring about the details, bringing all of yourself to make the finest work you can. It is beyond ego, vanity, self-glorification, and need for approval.”

—Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being

Last week I wrote about “expression service of…” This week I am giving a few examples of how communicating “in service of” invites a bold and strong presence because our sense of purpose, our intention, is connected to something bigger than ourselves. …Read on.

My daughter recently recorded a few songs with Colin Killalea of Chris Keup’s White Star Sound. After hearing a rough cut of the first song, “Anastasia,” I was moved to tell Colin that I saw, I knew, I could tell, that his work was in service of the music. Colin, a remarkable musician and producer, knew exactly what I meant. When I listen, there is no ego, no showing off, no marking territory, no wink to the listener saying, “aren’t I clever?” Our attention remains on the story, the feelings, the beauty and meaning of the song as told through the melody, lyrics, musical performances, and production. The work is to reveal that song, not obscure it. Colin’s work treats the song itself as a precious thing. As you listen, notice the delicate, almost etherial piano, the emotional swell that takes us with the storyteller into her dream, the hush of recognition as the song ends. This quality of “expression in service of,” threads itself throughout my work and in this blog. Generally, it is connected to…Read on.

In this last of the “Proactive Speaker” series (for now), we are lucky to have the text for actual TEDx Charlottesville introductions from two of our emcees, Kellie Sauls and Richard Averitt. After writing the post, “The Proactive Speaker: Introductions,” both reached out and offered examples* for us all. Moderators, facilitators, emcees, these are just a few of the beautiful introductions Kellie and Richard wrote. Their generosity, their clear intention to shine the light on the speaker and move the audience to be receptive and excited is palpable in their words. In my work with speakers, I remind them that it is the emcee’s job to brag for them and establish credibility in advance so that the speaker can dig right into the exciting work without that nagging insecurity. Below are the kinds of introductions I emulate. I aspire to this level of grace when celebrating the work of others.…Read on.

A few quick things to do before any interview…Read on.