How to Make Friends

My dear friend, and friend to many, Deb, said the simplest and truest thing on our walk today. She tossed it away as if this was common knowledge: three things to do in order to make friends. Now listen, I am a big fan of Dale Carnegie and there is a reason his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People is still a best-seller 85 years since it first hit the bookstores. And yet, notice the language, “how to win friends.” For all his brilliance, Dale Carnegie puts me off when he uses the word “win” in relation to friendship. Not to mention the Machiavellian tone of influencing people!

Deb talked about making friends. Reminding us that friendship is built, forged, takes time and attention. Winning reminds me of horse races with winners and losers.

Deb said simply, “Everyone knows how to make friends! You just have to be vulnerable, listen, and share.” Well, there you have it! I dug a bit deeper to make sure I understood (and to figure out how she could say in three phrases what Dale Carnegie takes 300 pages to say!).

ME: “When you say, ‘be vulnerable,’ you mean?

DEB: “Show your emotions.”

ME: “When you say, ‘listen?’ you mean…?”

DEB: “Just that, pay attention, take in what the other is saying. Listen.”

ME: “OK, when you say, ‘share,’ you mean?

DEB: “Share time, stories, be generous. Share.”

Thank you, Deb!

This week, practice making friends, forging relationships!

Be vulnerable.

Listen.

Share.

Let me know how it goes!