How to Receive a Gift

Last week we talked about the simplest, sanest, most appropriate way to respond to any compliment. As my father said:

“You look the person in the eye and say, ‘Thank you.’ That’s all. No excuses, no eye-rolling, no putting yourself down. You just say ‘thank you.’ Full stop.”

The same goes for receiving gifts. A simple thank you, and then a thank you card, is just perfect. As my father also, wisely said: “Gifts are for the giver.” So give them the pleasure of your gratitude.

There are many reasons that others may offer a gift: a thank you, a show of appreciation, an expression of love.

If there is an expectation of reciprocation, something owed in return, it is not a gift; it is a payment disguised as a gift. How do we respond if we sense a gift is a payment? We can say, no thank you. Or simply thank you. Either creates a boundary, a finality. A receiver owes nothing. Ever.

When we receive a compliment, we are not asked to diminish ourselves and when we receive a gift, we are not indebted.

I say, take a gift at face-value. As a gift. Freely given. And thanks are all this are owed.

What if, you ask, you don’t like/already have the gift? You say, “Thank you so much,” and write a thank you note.

Then you put the gift in your “gift closet,” take the card off (trust me, receiving a gift with a card that reads, “Dear Hal and Kate” instead of “Dear Kira and Bob” is a faux-pas only dear friends would forgive!), write the name of the person on the gift so you don’t give it back to them (and, yes, I’ve done this, too.). And re-gift. So much better for the earth, for the relationship, for your household clutter, for the new recipient, and one step further from feeding the out of control consumerist culture.

This week, accept gifts with a simple thank you and let go of any guilt, comparison, competition, or feeling of indebtedness.