YES! We dream of a beach house. NO! We can’t afford to buy a beach house. YES! We can rent a beach house for a week! Years ago my husband kindly paraphrased the lessons from a book I can’t even remember the name of on how to say NO. He said, no need to read the book, here is the gist: Yes. No. Yes. Little did he know that he had supplied me with perhaps the most useful and versatile communication skill ever. I use Yes/No/Yes to: say ‘no;’ to set boundaries; to avoid Rabbit Holes in tricky conversations, in contentious interviews, with derailing questions at public events; it is the best way to disagree without offending others; it anchors us in what we need while keeping the door open to further conversation and collaboration, and it combines self-respect and respect for others. How does it work? Read on…

Ultimately, saying NO is simply setting a clear boundary.

We say no to say, “stop.” We say no to say, “enough.” We say no to say, “this is my time/space/body/voice/energy/priority/choice.” Saying no, is not being mean or rejecting others. It is simply creating clarity. And clarity is good for everybody involved.

There are three different kinds of “no” I want to explore: the Structural No, the Yes-No-Yes, and the Definitive No. Read on to play with saying NO!