My system for writing these posts is structured to catch any mistakes and to give myself time to edit. I write the post on Wednesdays, it comes out on Thursdays as a test mailing, I tweak it, edit it, check all the links, and send it to anyone I mention to get their permission and input. The final post comes out to my mailing list on Sunday mornings and is then populated on all socials on Tuesday mornings.

In other words, I am my own editor. For better or worse. There are many things I know I miss and much that could be stronger in my writing. So when I was asked by the extraordinary writer, Erika Raskin, to write something for Streetlight Magazine where she is an editor, I said, YES!

If you haven’t yet discovered Streetlight Magazine, it’s an online treasure trove of poetry, fiction, memoir, and art.

Erika asked for 500 words. In my notes, I wrote down that she needed 2500 words. You can see why I might need an editor in more than just my writing!

I worked on a piece I was really excited about and sent it off to Erika, still shy of the 2500 (!) words, it was about 2000. I hoped it was OK.

Ever gracious, Erika was kind and clear. Even a bit apologetic. Not only was the essay way over the word limit, Erika wrote back that she did not…Read on.

When we set a clear intention for a talk, we infuse our words with purpose and clarity. Another technique that theater folks love to help crystalize our focus is immediacy: why is this topic vital right now, in this exact moment? Why can’t this wait one more second? In public speaking, immediacy can transform our message from being simply engaging to being utterly captivating. Immediacy brings a sense of vitality to the moment. Immediacy is what draws in an audience, what makes them lean forward and stay present. It’s a spark, an urgency that says, “This is important, and it’s important right now.”

Whenever we speak in public we ask ourselves…Read on.

“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.”

--D. H. Lawrence 

I saw a brilliant play in 1989 at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival by a Yugoslavian company, Tattoo. There were no words spoken in the entire play. It was not mime, but simply took place in the swaths of time when we do not speak. No words are necessary. The play opens in a bar, a real bar. A man robs the bartender at gun-point, then runs out of the bar, across the street, and up the stairs. We follow and gather in a bedroom. Through the window, silently, creeps the thief who slips into bed with his wife, making sure not to wake her. The moon rises and falls and the next morning, he and his wife fold clothes and make the bed while their baby sleeps…

Silence. How can we as communicators, allow for silence?

We were taught…Read on.

Some of us may be tempted to take a beta blocker, a shot of booze, or a gummy to help with public speaking anxiety.  Before we do, please consider the audience and the right they have to a great talk.  The drug may dampen our own anxiety, but it may also dampen our performance.  There are certainly other ways to manage our anxiety that do not hurt our delivery.

I work from the premise that when a reaction is caused by a thought, it can be managed by an action.

I worked for several months with a brave soul who had taken a strong stand against the unethical practices of the company for which he had worked.  His talk preparation progressed beautifully until a few days before when he showed up to rehearse.  His words seemed labored and leaden; his speech was…Read on.

Whether emceeing, moderating, convening, training, or leading, a great facilitator is almost invisible. The project, training, or meeting seems to bloom right before us spontaneously. The facilitator creates and holds the space for other people and ideas to flourish while completing the agenda on time. Miraculous. It’s almost like a soft wind: invisible yet powerful; containing, shifting, buoying, orchestrating.

A great facilitator exemplifies "expression in service of…"

A great facilitator knows when to let go of any goals in favor of a more pressing issue: they read the room, know the greater context, and can see when something isn’t working.

I think of this as “BeHolding.” We, as facilitators, HOLD the space as we BEhold what is taking place. Our attention is rapt; we notice every dynamic and emotion while keeping track of...Read on.

When I asked my daughter about her Fall classes, she said she was excited about them all! When I asked for more particulars, she explained that one teaching fellow asked the students to, “Please come into class confused. The reading is hard, the language archaic, but just do it anyway and come to class confused.” I so love that! It reminds us that our intention for the classroom is “to learn,” rather than “to impress,” “to sound smart,” “to get a good grade.”

I worked with a woman who was top of her field, but found herself suddenly unable to speak in a continuing education class of her peers. She came to me to find her voice. She said...Read on.

As communicators, what is at risk of we do not speak out? I ask this of my clients all the time. We often focus on fears around possible negative outcomes if we DO speak out: What if I get fired? What if they laugh at me? What if she leaves me? What if I am shamed? Cast out? Abandoned? What if I hurt them? What if I say it wrong? What if…

All of these are valid fears and potentially life-altering answers will come back to us.

And yet…What is at risk if we do not speak up?

What is at risk in our homes, in our...Read on.

When Charles and Elizabeth Handy were a young couple, they lived in Malaysia where Charles worked for an oil company.

He was doing everything “right”—married, a stable job, with plans for children, a house, the whole package.

One day, his canny and remarkable wife, Elizabeth asked him a few questions he had never asked himself:

• Are you genuinely happy?

• Do you love your work? Are you proud of what you do?

• Is our marriage together what you dreamed of?

To each question Charles answered, “It’s OK.”

Liz would have none of that. She knew...Read on.

Last week we talked about having the courage to ask the hard questions, questions that may make us vulnerable, but which may open up new possibilities and opportunities. This week, we are the person being asked. This week, we need the courage to listen.

The first and most important thing to do is to...Read on.

Sometimes we are afraid to ask important questions because we do not want to know the answers. This is common in close relationships, as well as at work. And if the status quo is fine, then why take the risk? However, sometimes we need to summon the courage to ask these questions in order for a relationship to grow, in order for new opportunities to arise. Of course, we risk something when we ask questions that open us up to others. We may be rejected, we may get a clear “no” in response, the relationship may not be strong enough to bear the answers, we may change the nature of the relationship; we may feel exposed, vulnerable, even ashamed. There are many very good reasons not to ask certain questions. But what is at stake if we do not? We have to ask this of ourselves, as well. What do we risk if we never put into words those things we most would love to have? We might risk having a deeper relationship, a promotion, a connection, an opportunity.

This week, make a list ...Read on.

“Vocation is the place where our deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.”

—Frederick Buechner--

This practice can apply to any kind of interview where we (feel) we are being chosen for something—jobs, schools, internships. All of these situations set up a power dynamic—the chooser and the chosen—that can rattle us, make us feel desperate, make us feel like we have to brag about ourselves and our accomplishments. We can fall into the “pick me!” mentality, rather than picking ourselves.

Please let that go.

Aside from the basics (to make enough money, to get experience and education), why are we applying for this opportunity? Usually, it is to find a great fit for what we want, what they want, what we have to offer, what they have to offer.

RESEARCH

Well before the interview...Read on.

In this series about rehearsal using the five senses, we’ve talked about using sound, taste, sight, and touch. This last rehearsal prompt, invites us to use the sense of smell in rehearsal. There is a wonderful saying in the movement practice, the Nia Technique: “smell the moment.” As speakers, in that liminal space just after we’ve rehearsed and warmed-up and just before we open our mouths to speak, we take a breath and smell the moment. We look into the audience, read the room, take in the faces, the space, this specific, particular, unique, exact moment. This is perhaps my favorite moment, when we are ready, alert, and waiting, peeking over the precipice, through the curtain, our hand on the door before turning the knob. I remember waiting back stage in that liminal space. I was listening to the audience, their chatter and laughter, the programs murmuring, the chairs scraping, the ushers ushering, the expectation and delight. One of the actors asked if I was nervous. I said...Read on.

In this series on using the five senses in rehearsal, we have talked about sound, taste, and last week, sight where we showed the content through movement. This week, we look at using TOUCH in the rehearsal process in a very particular way. We start with … Read on.

In this series on rehearsal techniques, we are focusing on using the five senses as a way to play with our content. When we prepare for a talk, an interview, a training, even a tricky conversation, it’s important to surprise ourselves by using techniques that bring out the unexpected. We often think of preparation as simply “looking over” or “running through” the content. This is great for familiarizing ourselves, but keeps our relationship with the content pretty superficial. In rehearsal, we deepen that relationship, giving the content an aliveness, a spontaneity. We’ve talked about hearing the sound of the words, tasting the language, and this week we use sight: we use our bodies to show the words, to move them. We’ve all seen speakers who seem divorced from their bodies, their arms, faces, breathing held tight, rigid, as if they are more electronic speaker than human speaker. By showing the content in our bodies…Read on.

In this series on rehearsing using the five senses, we have covered SOUND and now move on to TASTE. Yes, taste. How do we taste the words? We play with the words in our mouths. We practice tasting the words whenever we use technical terms, terms of art, jargon, foreign words, acronyms, and names. It’s also helpful if we find ourselves tripping over certain words or phrases. When in the play, The Other Place,by Sharr White, there was a particularly sticky phrase I could not pronounce without slurring, tripping, or dropping the words. It was a simple phrase, “What good would it have done?” However, I could not get it out of my mouth. In my warm-up before walking onto the stage, I added a practice of…Read on.

In this rehearsal process, we first start with…SOUND. Of course, communicators must be heard, so sound matters. The mic matters, how we use the mic matters, how we articulate matters, our volume and tone matter. But before we find ourselves on the stage or in a heated conversation, we must rehearse. A rehearsal technique that bakes one layer of life into our communication is to focus on the sound of the words and allow for that sound to inform our performance. In my early twenties, I was lucky enough to study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art with…Read on.

Many people ask me, “How do you rehearse for a talk? What exactly do I DO?” Last week we discussed the painting technique, “verdaccio,” layering vivid and chaotic colors over a “dead layer” of gray-green to create a skin-tone that has life. I use this same theory of layering for rehearsing communication—anything from keynotes to tricky conversations. Last Spring I was asked to do a talk for Charlottesville’s Tom Tom Foundation event, Quintessence, curated by Darcy Gentleman and the Cville BioHub. The audience was made up of people from the words of STEM and academia, as well as curious artists. Darcy asked that we use the idea of “quintessence,” to guide us. He was not using this term in its usual sense as the “purest form of something,” but thinking more about the roots of the word, literally, the “fifth essence.” For me, this means the fives senses or essential somatic experiences. Our senses offer us a spectacular way to rehearse using quintessential verdaccio. I find rehearsing with the senses particularly helpful with clients who need to translate their work for a non-specialist audience, fields that…Read on.

During the Renaissance, artists developed a painting technique that brought a sense of depth and luminosity to human skin: verdaccio, from the Italian word, “verde,” meaning green. They would start with an underpainting of the least alive color: gray-green. Think hospital green. The Flemmish call this the “dead layer.” The artist would then apply layer upon layer of vivid color: cadmium red, yellow ochre, ultramarine blue, burnt sienna. Oddly, this chaotic jumble of color renders something deeply authentic and organically human: the skin has depth and pulses with life. This is how I think of rehearsal. In rehearsal…Read on.

My friend, the wonderful movement teacher and writer, Susan McCulley, wrote a post about how we use language that just floored me. Susan asks, for instance, what if we substituted the word “aging” for the word “living?” “She’s aging well,” becomes…Read on.

Years ago, I found myself single and playing the numbers game: “If I’m 36 now, and still do not have a life-partner, and don’t think I’ve met the right person in all these years, and if I want to have kids and may not be able to as I near and pass 40, and my dad isn’t well, and maybe will never see his grandchildren, what are the chances…” My undaunted therapist said, “That’s not the right numbers game. The numbers game I want you to play is this: date as many people as you can, sharing your real self right off the bat, and move on when it’s clear this isn’t working.” OK, so I think I met my husband that month. The brilliance here is two-fold: first,…Read on,