The Courage to ASK
Sometimes we are afraid to ask important questions because we do not want to know the answers. This is common in close relationships, as well as at work. And if the status quo is fine, then why take the risk? However, sometimes we need to summon the courage to ask these questions in order for a relationship to grow, in order for new opportunities to arise. Of course, we risk something when we ask questions that open us up to others. We may be rejected, we may get a clear “no” in response, the relationship may not be strong enough to bear the answers, we may change the nature of the relationship; we may feel exposed, vulnerable, even ashamed. There are many very good reasons not to ask certain questions. But what is at stake if we do not? We have to ask this of ourselves, as well. What do we risk if we never put into words those things we most would love to have? We might risk having a deeper relationship, a promotion, a connection, an opportunity.
This week, make a list of the questions we are afraid to ask. Just put them on paper and take a good look.
Now, read our questions out-loud. Alone, in private. Just say the words and see what happens. Much like announcing what we want, this exercise can help us to feel the questions as just that, questions without answers, requests, valid desires.
Say them again. And again. And if they sound outrageous, that’s OK, just play with the idea of, “why not?” “Why not ask?” “Why not me?” Then, revisit what happens if we do not ask…weigh the two, and make a choice. Status quo or possibility for something more?
“I’d love a chance to interview for that job.”
“I’ve been here five years and I’d like to talk about a raise.”
“Would you introduce me to your agent?”
“Any chance you’d like to go out sometime?”
“Do you want children?”
“Are you looking for a serious relationship or something light?”
“Are you satisfied with our life together? What would make it better?”
Next week, we consider the courage it takes to listen deeply when others ask us the hard questions.