The Courage to Ask Ourselves

When Charles and Elizabeth Handy were a young couple, they lived in Malaysia where Charles worked for an oil company.

He was doing everything “right”—married, a stable job, with plans for children, a house, the whole package.

One day, his canny and remarkable wife, Elizabeth asked him a few questions he had never asked himself:

• Are you genuinely happy?

• Do you love your work? Are you proud of what you do?

• Is our marriage together what you dreamed of?

To each question Charles answered, “It’s OK.”

Liz would have none of that. She knew, even as a young woman, just how precious life is. And she demanded that the two of them make choices to craft a life of meaning. Charles left Shell Oil, studied leadership, and began to write. Liz became an interior designer, then therapist, then photographer and Charles’ indomitable manager. Their lives changed. And never stopped changing. Charles and Liz continued to ask themselves scary questions throughout their marriage, which seemed to move like a kaleidoscope, shifting into ever more exquisite combinations and bathing the world around them in brilliant colors. We all basked in the reflected beauty of their lives.

What if we do not have an Elizabeth to prod us to question ourselves? We summon the strength of Elizabeth Handy and ask ourselves anyway.

How do we know what to ask?

• Whatever we shy away from. Whatever scares us. That is the sign-post that says, “Go that way!”

• It may take some journaling to uncover these treasures.

• Or we can ask a trusted friend: Do you think there is anything I am hiding from? Anything I need to question in myself, my life?

• Or ponder Annie Dillard’s reminder that, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.”

• Or Lincoln’s adage that, “Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.” What are we doing now that keeps us from what we want most?

This week, we face the questions that scare us and ask ourselves…maybe a wonderful kaleidoscope of life awaits!

• Am I drinking too much?

• Am I taking care of body?

• Am I working too hard?

• Am I neglecting my family?

• Am I happy in this relationship?

• Am I lonely?

• Am I spending too much time on screens?

• Am I spending time with people who make me feel good?