You can always ask!

• “Can I join you for a game of pool?”

• “Any chance I can catch a ride?”

• “Want to go out sometime?”

• “I’d love to be considered for that job.”

• “Would you be willing to read and perhaps blurb my book?”

• “I’d love an introduction to your literary agent/HR person/dean/CFO…”

In my mid-thirties I found myself single and thought I might as well throw caution to the wind and ASK my dearest friends if they know a “Great guy. Not just some guy who happens to be single. Someone wonderful.” Every one of them said something like, “Yes! I have always thought you should meet______!” All I had to do was ask and suddenly I was dating five different, fascinating, delightful, men. And I met my husband-to-be around month 3 of this adventure.

Asking, letting people know what we want, being open about our dreams and desires, our plans and goals, is like opening a door to a whoosh of opportunity.

Why ask? Because people do not know what we want unless we tell them. Even my closest friends were waiting for me to ask.

One of the many reasons we tend not to ask for what we want is that we are worried about putting pressure on others, as if simply asking places a burden on them.

I always tell my kids, “Ask! Ask for anything! People can always say ‘no.”

Aha! There’s the rub! We have to understand and trust that others are grownups and can say ‘no.’ That’s on them. If we assume that others will feel pressured, resentful, used, even angry—and this may be the case—then we stop ourselves from the possibility of YES.

Maybe we are afraid of the NO? That’s OK. As an actress, I can tell you, we get used to rejection and it becomes very light.

My advice: ask for what we want, take the rejections in stride, and move on with a kind, “Thank you for considering. I appreciate it.”

Then, wait for the whoosh of opportunity!

Next week, “You can always so NO!”