Blue Bathroom Coaching: bring out the best in others
I have a friend, Jeannie, who makes me funny. I am not a funny person, generally, but for whatever reason, I become especially hilarious when I’m with Jeannie. There are certain people I love to be around because they bring out the best in me; I see myself through their eyes and grow into that person.
I remember teaching acting at the Cleveland School of the Arts. If I could immediately identify and point out something special about each kid, they literally bloomed into that potential before my eyes.
This week, we will all practice being Jeannie, being a person who brings out the best in others. I call this “Blue Bathroom Coaching.” Try it.
Why “Blue Bathroom” coaching? My friend, Amanda, grew up in a tall brownstone in downtown Washington DC. At the top of the stairs, on the third floor, to the right, was a blue bathroom. And in that bathroom, reflected in the mirror over the sink, Amanda saw her best self, her strongest, her most courageous, her most talented self, shining back at her. She was radiant. This kind and loving gaze, reflected in the glass, sustained her through adolescence. It sustained her through her parents’ divorce. It sustained her through braces and breakups. It allowed her to thrive amidst turmoil.
Who of us doesn’t wish we had a blue bathroom, a place where we see our best selves, where we are bathed in the warmth of belief, where we see ourselves as full of possibility?
Certainly, we all have had the experience, the gift, really, of being in the presence of someone who bathes us in the light of possibility. And in this light, we ourselves become that talented, wise, kind person. We find ourselves stepping easily into roles and behaviors which had once seemed unattainable. We are funnier, smarter, more courageous simply because someone we respected knew we could be.
I’ve often thought of that blue bathroom in my coaching practice. How can I be the blue bathroom? How can I reflect back my clients’ best selves? How can I hold a high bar of promise so that my clients abandon their doubts, their undermining beliefs, and rise into their most playful, generous, and powerful selves?
All of us, as parents, friends, teachers, leaders, coaches, therapists, co-workers, managers, and citizens, have the ability to be the blue bathroom. To hold the space for others to be their best selves. To flourish.
How?
Focus on people’s strengths, talents, unique beauties. Rather than focusing on mistakes, weakness, or cracks, nurture the things that are already working: the crooked smile, the fascination with digging for backyard treasure, the courageous speaking up, the vulnerable tremble, the open hand of generosity.
Celebrate the unique talents in others and they will bloom right before your eyes.