“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.”

--D. H. Lawrence 

I saw a brilliant play in 1989 at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival by a Yugoslavian company, Tattoo. There were no words spoken in the entire play. It was not mime, but simply took place in the swaths of time when we do not speak. No words are necessary. The play opens in a bar, a real bar. A man robs the bartender at gun-point, then runs out of the bar, across the street, and up the stairs. We follow and gather in a bedroom. Through the window, silently, creeps the thief who slips into bed with his wife, making sure not to wake her. The moon rises and falls and the next morning, he and his wife fold clothes and make the bed while their baby sleeps…

Silence. How can we as communicators, allow for silence?

We were taught…Read on.

Men. Yup. Even before there was a word for this, the conference circuit has been dominated by manels. I think of the Roman Senate as the first official manel. Followed by centuries of governing bodies made up of manels. Our US Supreme Court’s manel lasted almost two centuries before Sandra Day O’Connor made it a plain old panel. Who first recognized and named this phenomenon? It’s a mystery. But Valeria McFarren first started using the term in 2016 with her clients “across the world to bring awareness to this and make changes in their respective organizations.” The president of Chaski Global and co-founder of The She Lab, had been asked, one too many times, to moderate a panel of men, aka, a “manel.” In one egregious example, she sat watching a panel of six men talk about how to solve oppression of women and gender-based violence. Note that Valeria uses the term, “to make changes.” Language can change how we see things, giving us the choice to make changes in our organizations and in our lives. If you’ve heard this term before, it was probably in Elisa Loehnen’s* blog post where you can read Val’s story. I recently looked up an organization and found that it has four employees—all of them…Read on.

Have you ever been in a meeting or presentation where the topic of concern is derailed by just one question or issue? This is what I refer to as a “Rabbit Hole;” we are sucked into the vortex and the work that we hoped to accomplish vanishes along with our patience. Many of my clients experience Rabbit Holes when presenting to audiences with a variety of differing interests, often doused in strong emotions, and perhaps lacking the technical expertise of the presenters. To be clear, Rabbit Holes are part of every important negotiation! And the points that people bring up are valid…they just can’t necessarily be addressed and resolved in the allotted time. And some issues are simply not solvable. Here is an example of a meeting filled with potential Rabbit Holes…

I recently had to fill out a donation form offering a few sessions to a fundraiser. When it came to describing my offering, I realized I had never written up a description of what it’s like to work with me! Usually, I offer a 20 minute chat to see how I can help, make a first connection, and see if this feels like a good fit for both of us. For this non-profit gala, the “client” bids on sessions without having the benefit of hearing my voice, sharing their challenges, learning about how I work, making a personal connection. So this is what I wrote…Read on.

In last week’s post, Persuading a National Audience, I talked about the communication skills of great leaders. One hallmark of great leaders is that their overarching intention or purpose benefits others, mostly those with the least power. These are what I call, “high intentions,” as opposed to intentions that benefit the speaker, which I call “low intentions.” For public leaders, examples of high intentions are: “To give hope,” “To help,” “To support,” “To elevate,” “To shine the light on.” Examples of low intentions are: “To control,” “To convince,” To extract,”…Read on.

Great leaders compel others to struggle together towards a shared vision.

Great leaders work for the good of others; mostly, for those who have the least power.

Therefore, great leaders must be great communicators.

Politicians and those in the public eye often have a team of advisors who prepare them for debates, press conferences, media interviews, and speeches. These advisors focus on things like strategy, speech writing, and talking points. When I work on such a team, my job is to make sure that the speaker’s message is congruent with the speaker’s delivery. I focus on how the content is performed through expression, gesture, body-language, and voice.

Any of you following this blog know that my work with clients is not prescriptive; rather, our work focuses on freeing the speaker to be their full selves—alive, powerful, at ease, appropriate, and riveting. Rather than using a list of rules (“stand like this,” “don’t do that,” “lean in here”), we work towards…Read on

I have a friend, Jeannie, who makes me funny. I am not a funny person, generally, but for whatever reason, I become especially hilarious when I’m with Jeannie. There are certain people I love to be around because they bring out the best in me; I see myself through their eyes and grow into that person.

I remember teaching acting at the Cleveland School for the Arts. If I could immediately identify and point out something special about each kid, they literally bloomed into that potential before my eyes.

This week, we will all practice being Jeannie, being a person who brings out the best in others. I call this “Blue Bathroom Coaching.” Try it.