My system for writing these posts is structured to catch any mistakes and to give myself time to edit. I write the post on Wednesdays, it comes out on Thursdays as a test mailing, I tweak it, edit it, check all the links, and send it to anyone I mention to get their permission and input. The final post comes out to my mailing list on Sunday mornings and is then populated on all socials on Tuesday mornings.

In other words, I am my own editor. For better or worse. There are many things I know I miss and much that could be stronger in my writing. So when I was asked by the extraordinary writer, Erika Raskin, to write something for Streetlight Magazine where she is an editor, I said, YES!

If you haven’t yet discovered Streetlight Magazine, it’s an online treasure trove of poetry, fiction, memoir, and art.

Erika asked for 500 words. In my notes, I wrote down that she needed 2500 words. You can see why I might need an editor in more than just my writing!

I worked on a piece I was really excited about and sent it off to Erika, still shy of the 2500 (!) words, it was about 2000. I hoped it was OK.

Ever gracious, Erika was kind and clear. Even a bit apologetic. Not only was the essay way over the word limit, Erika wrote back that she did not…Read on.

When we set a clear intention for a talk, we infuse our words with purpose and clarity. Another technique that theater folks love to help crystalize our focus is immediacy: why is this topic vital right now, in this exact moment? Why can’t this wait one more second? In public speaking, immediacy can transform our message from being simply engaging to being utterly captivating. Immediacy brings a sense of vitality to the moment. Immediacy is what draws in an audience, what makes them lean forward and stay present. It’s a spark, an urgency that says, “This is important, and it’s important right now.”

Whenever we speak in public we ask ourselves…Read on.

“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.”

--D. H. Lawrence 

I saw a brilliant play in 1989 at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival by a Yugoslavian company, Tattoo. There were no words spoken in the entire play. It was not mime, but simply took place in the swaths of time when we do not speak. No words are necessary. The play opens in a bar, a real bar. A man robs the bartender at gun-point, then runs out of the bar, across the street, and up the stairs. We follow and gather in a bedroom. Through the window, silently, creeps the thief who slips into bed with his wife, making sure not to wake her. The moon rises and falls and the next morning, he and his wife fold clothes and make the bed while their baby sleeps…

Silence. How can we as communicators, allow for silence?

We were taught…Read on.

As communicators, what is at risk of we do not speak out? I ask this of my clients all the time. We often focus on fears around possible negative outcomes if we DO speak out: What if I get fired? What if they laugh at me? What if she leaves me? What if I am shamed? Cast out? Abandoned? What if I hurt them? What if I say it wrong? What if…

All of these are valid fears and potentially life-altering answers will come back to us.

And yet…What is at risk if we do not speak up?

What is at risk in our homes, in our...Read on.

In this series on rehearsal techniques, we are focusing on using the five senses as a way to play with our content. When we prepare for a talk, an interview, a training, even a tricky conversation, it’s important to surprise ourselves by using techniques that bring out the unexpected. We often think of preparation as simply “looking over” or “running through” the content. This is great for familiarizing ourselves, but keeps our relationship with the content pretty superficial. In rehearsal, we deepen that relationship, giving the content an aliveness, a spontaneity. We’ve talked about hearing the sound of the words, tasting the language, and this week we use sight: we use our bodies to show the words, to move them. We’ve all seen speakers who seem divorced from their bodies, their arms, faces, breathing held tight, rigid, as if they are more electronic speaker than human speaker. By showing the content in our bodies…Read on.

In this rehearsal process, we first start with…SOUND. Of course, communicators must be heard, so sound matters. The mic matters, how we use the mic matters, how we articulate matters, our volume and tone matter. But before we find ourselves on the stage or in a heated conversation, we must rehearse. A rehearsal technique that bakes one layer of life into our communication is to focus on the sound of the words and allow for that sound to inform our performance. In my early twenties, I was lucky enough to study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art with…Read on.

My friend, the wonderful movement teacher and writer, Susan McCulley, wrote a post about how we use language that just floored me. Susan asks, for instance, what if we substituted the word “aging” for the word “living?” “She’s aging well,” becomes…Read on.

It may sound counter-intuitive, but as communicators, we must go slow to go fast. As a speed-speaker, I can attest that when I speak quickly, my audience is lost. When I breathe and scaffold my communication, the audience comes with me. Many things contribute to my hare-like tempo: anxiety, an internal sense that I should hurry up to make space for others, and the disconnection from my audience that results. Admittedly Type A, I like to check things off of my list, get this conversation or talk over with. Talking without stopping is also correlated with domineering—not leaving space for others, controlling the interaction. But of course, if the purpose of communication is to have an impact, to create relationship, to share, then simply skipping through those precious moments without connection is a waste of everyone’s time. We leave our audience baffled and bored. So how do we slow down?…Read on.

This is Edwina. She’s about to go on stage to sing with the band, We Are Star Children. She is radiant, ebullient, in love with this moment. She looks like someone who said, “I want to do this.” And then picked herself. And did it. Of course, it is an amazing feeling to be picked, to have someone reach out and say: “You should run for this office.” “Would you like to go out sometime?” “We’d like to offer you this promotion.” “You have just the right qualities to lead others. We’d like you to lead this team.” It’s important, to be seen, valued, wanted. It makes us feel special. But it’s also passive. My sister and I wrote a whole screenplay about a guy who…Read on.

Thomas Woltz, the extraordinary landscape architect, is also an extraordinary speaker. He carries himself with a dignity and calm strength and is a perfect example of someone who “magnetizes in.” His stillness and poise are riveting. We are pulled towards his words. In his Charlottesville TEDx Talk, we can see this calm strength, feel the dignity, and the magentic pull of our attention. On January 1, 2023, I began a year-long on-line program with Rick Hanson called, The Foundations of Well-Being. Rick is a psychologist and mindfulness practitioner. In many of the weekly practices, he uses the phrases “calm strength” and “sitting with a sense of dignity.” As I sit for the practices, I feel my spine unfurl, the crown of my head grow towards the sky, my ribs expand. As the physical sensation of dignity and calm strength spreads through my body, an inner sense of dignity and calm strength takes root. I walk, stand, speak, from this place. Calm strength and dignity are qualities that people associate with presence, charisma, power, poise, and trust. Simply do this, every morning for a few minutes before we begin our day…Read on.

A year ago exactly, I wrote a post inspired by a dear friend, Deborah Lawrence about how to make friends. This past weekend I read a “Top Ten Things to Say to Make Friends” list written by a cherished family friend, Zoie. Zoie has many talents—she is a communicator, a community-maker, a leader (her school paper recently published an article about Zoie titled, “A New Leader Arrives”), and a very good friend to many. She listens deeply, answers every text within minutes, speaks out with courage, and is an unwavering, undaunted, supporter of the successes of others. A true friend. With her permission, I publish her list here. …Read on.

A friend recently said she was having a hard time fitting into the corporate world after leaving academia. She said she was “trying to be more professional.” When I asked what that meant, she said, “Somber. Serious.” She had been on a panel and found herself laughing, challenging, and enjoying the repartee. Reports are that she thrilled the audience with her wit and brazen candor. When we force ourselves into any external idea of how we should be, we end up with a two-dimensional, rigid, stock character. Rather than forcing ourselves into an idea of what a “professional” looks like (or sounds like!), I work with my clients to allow a free and alive presence, that is also appropriate to the situation. Many of us fear that if we are authentic, we will be inappropriate. Not so. As long as we are clear about…Read on.

I am proud to tell you that in my family I am know affectionately(?) as a “scofflaw.” I’m happy to break any rule that seems silly in the name of fun. My card-shark persona, “Krazy Kate” flouts the logistical and mathematical rules of any card game to such a degree that people wonder whether there is some insane brilliance behind the manic betting. There is not. I simply love to play with abandon. There are rules of public speaking I would like all of us to break with wild abandon. The first one is so ingrained in the lexicon of public speaking that it has become an automatic, habitual, and annoying tick. The over-used rule is: “Be redundant.” Please don’t. Unless you are Lady Redundant Woman, of course! We are told to…Read on.

If Tom Peters, renowned author of many best-selling books on business including, In Search of Excellence, were to say that he is good at anything—writing, teaching, connecting with others—he would have to admit that all of his skills come together when he is on stage giving a talk. I am honored to know Tom and often pick his brain about the skills and techniques that make him so compelling. He is always, “generous company.” Below are just a few of the tips he has shared over the years. And, trust me, there will be additions long after publication of this post! Tom is never done generating ideas! We begin here…Read on.

There were many things I learned in the African Theater class at college taught by the then-grad-student, Toyin Bello. One thing was to respond enthusiastically when Toyin asked a question like, “How are you all today?” We were jaded 20 year-olds, desperately cool, and would answer with a sour grunt. After watching a documentary on the musical Sarafina, where the cast and director would beam raucous and radiant welcomes to one another, I realized that Toyin was inviting us every day to join him in joy. I’m happily un-hip to this day, thank you Toyin! He also introduced me to the “Shakespeare of Africa,” Wole Soyinka, whose plays are still seared into my memory. Most importantly, Toyin taught me the true meaning of team work. He told us that …Read on.

“Art is choosing to do something skillfully, caring about the details, bringing all of yourself to make the finest work you can. It is beyond ego, vanity, self-glorification, and need for approval.”

—Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being

Last week I wrote about “expression service of…” This week I am giving a few examples of how communicating “in service of” invites a bold and strong presence because our sense of purpose, our intention, is connected to something bigger than ourselves. …Read on.

Years ago, as our kids waited for the school bus, a car careened up onto the sidewalk forcing us to flee up the grass hill to safety. We often witnessed cars come to a pause at the stop sign, then continue into the intersection not knowing the vertical street was (is!) a straightaway. The intersection has an elementary school, a city school bus stop for grades pre-K through high school, and a city bus stop. Our then seven year-old daughter wrote to City Council requesting a 4-way stop. A traffic study found there were not enough accidents to call for the change (don’t get me started). So, we painted a mandala to slow down the traffic through the intersection. We were proactive. Speakers, too, need to be proactive—we can’t assume event coordinators or venues will have all details covered … Read on.

Have you ever been in a meeting or presentation where the topic of concern is derailed by just one question or issue? This is what I refer to as a “Rabbit Hole;” we are sucked into the vortex and the work that we hoped to accomplish vanishes along with our patience. Many of my clients experience Rabbit Holes when presenting to audiences with a variety of differing interests, often doused in strong emotions, and perhaps lacking the technical expertise of the presenters. To be clear, Rabbit Holes are part of every important negotiation! And the points that people bring up are valid…they just can’t necessarily be addressed and resolved in the allotted time. And some issues are simply not solvable. Here is an example of a meeting filled with potential Rabbit Holes…

Recently I saw Elvis Costello in concert. I can’t remember the last time I felt so treasured, so seen, so held by an artist. And, although he thinks that Charlottesville is in North Carolina, it felt like he had a special love for our small town. Mr. Costello got into town early that morning and spent the day…Read on.

I recently had to fill out a donation form offering a few sessions to a fundraiser. When it came to describing my offering, I realized I had never written up a description of what it’s like to work with me! Usually, I offer a 20 minute chat to see how I can help, make a first connection, and see if this feels like a good fit for both of us. For this non-profit gala, the “client” bids on sessions without having the benefit of hearing my voice, sharing their challenges, learning about how I work, making a personal connection. So this is what I wrote…Read on.