Things we can let go of: “Do they like me?”

I’m going to say two things that may seem completely contradictory:

1) The audience, the other, in any communication, is our raison d’etre, our only reason for communicating.

2) Wondering if the audience likes us, is a red-herring; whether they like us or not is irrelevant. We are not there to be liked. We are there to communicate something and that thing, is what is important.

A few years ago I found myself standing just outside the spotlight, costumed, made up, warmed up, and about to walk on stage for the first time in over 20 years. My thoughts were something like:

“Shit. Shit. The dress is riding up my butt. I don’t remember my first line! Is that the critic sitting there? What if they hate me? What if I’m awful?”

Then I remembered:

“Oh, yes! It is not my job to worry about this at all! My only job is the breathe and tell this story. This incredible, beautiful, heartbreaking story. The audience does not care one whit about me. They are only here to experience this story.”

Remembering that communication is not about us, frees us to do the work. Perseverating about the judgement of others puts the attention like a boomerang, back onto ourselves. And when the attention is on ourselves, we have forgotten our purpose, our message, our audience. Intentions that focus our attention back on ourselves (“to impress,” “to make them like me,” “to get a raise,” “to make a sale”) do not work. Intentions must put the ATTENTION where it belongs: on the audience. We are doing this for them. We are simply the vessel for the talk, the story, the training, the message. The gift.

This week, we allow ourselves the freedom that comes with letting go of concern about how others view us, and focus, instead, on the message, the work, the story, the other, the audience.