Emotions and Heightened Communication

Many of my clients are afraid of emotions. They worry that their talk, presentation, or challenging interaction, will be hijacked by emotion. They fear that they will be derailed, humiliated, and that their reputation may never recover. This is especially true of women, who may have internalized the message that they need to be “more like men,” i.e. less emotional. The fear is that emotional vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

What actors know is that:

• Emotions are simply the by-products of actions (intentions).

• Emotions only have the power to derail us when we try to negate or suppress them.

• When we suppress any one emotion, ALL emotions and are dulled.

• When we suppress an emotion, it gets stuck in our bodies.

• When we let emotions have a beginning, middle, and end, they are like clouds floating by, just adding beauty and color.

• Forcing a certain emotion or trying to fabricate an emotion for impact, hurts us physically and disturbs our audience.

When working with clients, I remind them that trying to control our emotions can only have a negative impact: either our emotions dull completely, leaving us flat, or become wild like a typhoon and overwhelm us. And, focus on our emotions puts our attention ON OURSELVES instead of where it belongs: ON OUR AUDIENCE. Emotions simply exist, whether we like it or not. Without our attempts to control, our emotions simply pass through like a strong current or soft cloud. Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are simply anger twisted and contorted. Anger, pure, strong, direct fiery anger, is no enemy. Fear. Bliss. Desire. Need. Grief. All just right. Let them be.

Instead of worrying about our emotions, we can focus on something we CAN DO, something we HAVE CONTROL OVER. We CAN warm-up. We CAN rehearse. We CAN have a clear and focused INTENTION. We CAN focus on the other, our audience. We CAN find something to love in the interaction. We CAN use all of our skills to connect.