Stop Talking (so much)

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I talk too much. I know it. Not all the time, thank goodness. And I also know my triggers: anxiety, being full of myself, having too much fun, and simply forgetting to include others. Dr. Jim Coan, a UVa psychology professor who studies the psychophysiology of attachment, associates over-talking with dominating. Yikes.

This week, we take note when we find ourselves talking too much, forgetting to listen.

And then we take these steps:

1) Breathe…yes, just stop and take a nice, deep, grounding breath.

2) Look at the other person and notice something, be a “first class noticer.” Anything, a piece of lint, a faint scent of roses, a laughing crinkle of the eye.

3) Ask a question and do not jump in, except to dig deeper. Notice “parallel listening,” which is when we listen only to find a place to bring ourselves back into the conversation. An example is: A: How was Vermont? B: It was just wonderful! B: I know. I love it. We were there last summer and…