Silence

“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.”

--D. H. Lawrence 

I saw a brilliant play in 1989 at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival by a Yugoslavian company, Tattoo. There were no words spoken in the entire play. It was not mime, but simply took place in the swaths of time when we do not speak. No words are necessary. The play opens in a bar, a real bar. A man robs the bartender at gun-point, then runs out of the bar, across the street, and up the stairs. We follow and gather in a bedroom. Through the window, silently, creeps the thief who slips into bed with his wife, making sure not to wake her. The moon rises and falls and the next morning, he and his wife fold clothes and make the bed while their baby sleeps…

Silence. How can we as communicators, allow for silence?

We were taught, as therapists, to tolerate and sit with silence, knowing that this silence invites others to open up.

As leaders we can learn a lot from this idea of allowing space for others to come forward. In meetings, we can hold the space, the silence, so that others have a voice. Great teachers use silence in this way. Sometimes it is in the silence, when the flow of words ebbs, that we recognize those who have been silent all along. This silence allows more participation from those who are quieter.

Silence is riveting on stage.  We allow ourselves to wait. It’s like a collective intake of breath, of anticipation.

A wonderful actor and acting teacher, Seth Barrish, once reminded our class, “You do not have to create a wall of sound.  Stop talking and see what happens.” 

We create this “wall of sound” when we are anxious, when we are dominating, when we think that it is our job to keep talking—we call it a “talk” and a “speech,” after all!

Silence is also wonderful if we get lost in a talk or need to re-group. Take a breath.

Our intention for the silence matters. Silence can signal deep listening. And sometimes we use silence as a statement of power, domination.

I ask my public speaking clients to begin any talk with silence and breath. And to end the talk the same way. Silence is riveting and orients the audience to the speaker.

This week, we become attentive to silence, to speaking and not speaking, to learning to tolerate silence, to see what happens when our words stop…what comes in?