I did this interview because…maybe it would be cool, maybe it would be good for my work, maybe it would find its way to clients. I’m not sure any of that happened. I do know that I had the unexpected pleasure of learning something about myself. I found the questions brought out surprising answers. This week, we take out a journal and ask ourselves the seemingly simple and general questions I was asked by Canvas Rebel. Let me know what you learn. …Read on.

In a post called “Questions that Connect Us,” I spoke of Ken Cloke, one of the leading experts in conflict resolution. Ken reminds us that we often fan the flames of conflict, polarize conversations, and take positions that only work to push us farther apart. As we look forward to voting this week, I wanted to share this treasure trove of Ken’s questions to ask in a political argument. I printed out the list and carry it with me. The questions also work on any argument with teens!

Read on for Ken’s great questions!

Questions that Connect Us

Jun 30

Written By Kate Bennis

In the Fall of 2016 I visited our dear family friends, Joan Goldsmith and her husband, Ken Cloke. I was trying to make sense of a world where all the things I valued (empathy, connection, representation, equity, equality, justice) seemed to be rejected by so many of my country-people. The cognitive dissonance left me bereft and lacking the capacity to see the complexity of the moment: everything and everyone seemed to be “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong.”

Ken caught me up short in a conversation that reframed everything. He said, “The trouble is that we are asking the wrong questions. The questions we’re asking only have polarizing answers.” I was flooded with examples: “Who did you vote for?” “Do you believe in God?” “Do you support abortion rights?” “Do you support gun reform?” “Where do you get your news?”

These questions have only one-word answers. There is no room for a complex human being to reside in those answers.

Ken guided me to ask a very different question, a question that invites infinite answers, a question that has framed our humanity, given us meaning, culture, and connection.

This week, think about the questions we ask. Are they likely to polarize us? Or connect us? This week, we play with questions that invite connection.

Read on for Ken’s question, a question that cracks us open…