Remember the urban legend of the mother picking up a VW Bug to save her baby?  That act is pure intention with immediacy and high stakes.  That mother’s action, thought, behavior, voice, and words are completely aligned.  Her Big Why, her overarching purpose, may be to raise an adult that will contribute to the world.  Her immediate intention is simply to save her child.   She is not thinking about herself, her own safety, what she might look like, or what others might think of her.  Her focus on wholly on the child, the other. She takes immediate action in a matter of life and death.  The highest stakes possible.

The above scenario has elements that we can translate into helpful tools for any speaker: role (mother), given circumstances (child under car), purpose (to care for this vulnerable human), intention…Read on.

“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.”

--D. H. Lawrence 

I saw a brilliant play in 1989 at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival by a Yugoslavian company, Tattoo. There were no words spoken in the entire play. It was not mime, but simply took place in the swaths of time when we do not speak. No words are necessary. The play opens in a bar, a real bar. A man robs the bartender at gun-point, then runs out of the bar, across the street, and up the stairs. We follow and gather in a bedroom. Through the window, silently, creeps the thief who slips into bed with his wife, making sure not to wake her. The moon rises and falls and the next morning, he and his wife fold clothes and make the bed while their baby sleeps…

Silence. How can we as communicators, allow for silence?

We were taught…Read on.

In this series about rehearsal using the five senses, we’ve talked about using sound, taste, sight, and touch. This last rehearsal prompt, invites us to use the sense of smell in rehearsal. There is a wonderful saying in the movement practice, the Nia Technique: “smell the moment.” As speakers, in that liminal space just after we’ve rehearsed and warmed-up and just before we open our mouths to speak, we take a breath and smell the moment. We look into the audience, read the room, take in the faces, the space, this specific, particular, unique, exact moment. This is perhaps my favorite moment, when we are ready, alert, and waiting, peeking over the precipice, through the curtain, our hand on the door before turning the knob. I remember waiting back stage in that liminal space. I was listening to the audience, their chatter and laughter, the programs murmuring, the chairs scraping, the ushers ushering, the expectation and delight. One of the actors asked if I was nervous. I said...Read on.

YES! We dream of a beach house. NO! We can’t afford to buy a beach house. YES! We can rent a beach house for a week! Years ago my husband kindly paraphrased the lessons from a book I can’t even remember the name of on how to say NO. He said, no need to read the book, here is the gist: Yes. No. Yes. Little did he know that he had supplied me with perhaps the most useful and versatile communication skill ever. I use Yes/No/Yes to: say ‘no;’ to set boundaries; to avoid Rabbit Holes in tricky conversations, in contentious interviews, with derailing questions at public events; it is the best way to disagree without offending others; it anchors us in what we need while keeping the door open to further conversation and collaboration, and it combines self-respect and respect for others. How does it work? Read on…

I. Thou shalt not hide from the audience but shall open to them, share with them, and pull your hair back so that it is not obscuring your expressive face and eyes.

II. Thou shalt not…Read on.

Here are a few things I always bring to events…Read on.

I’ve often regaled you with the ways and reasons to know your audience, from reading the local news paper to mingling with the audience before events. This week, we go back to step one: ask the organizers these quick questions the moment we are asked to speak…Read on.

Years ago, as our kids waited for the school bus, a car careened up onto the sidewalk forcing us to flee up the grass hill to safety. We often witnessed cars come to a pause at the stop sign, then continue into the intersection not knowing the vertical street was (is!) a straightaway. The intersection has an elementary school, a city school bus stop for grades pre-K through high school, and a city bus stop. Our then seven year-old daughter wrote to City Council requesting a 4-way stop. A traffic study found there were not enough accidents to call for the change (don’t get me started). So, we painted a mandala to slow down the traffic through the intersection. We were proactive. Speakers, too, need to be proactive—we can’t assume event coordinators or venues will have all details covered … Read on.

I recently had to fill out a donation form offering a few sessions to a fundraiser. When it came to describing my offering, I realized I had never written up a description of what it’s like to work with me! Usually, I offer a 20 minute chat to see how I can help, make a first connection, and see if this feels like a good fit for both of us. For this non-profit gala, the “client” bids on sessions without having the benefit of hearing my voice, sharing their challenges, learning about how I work, making a personal connection. So this is what I wrote…Read on.

Most of us feel at least a few butterflies before we speak in public. Sometimes the butterflies are more like hammers in our chest. Some actors think they need a little anxiety to do their best and will “pump themselves up” before a performance. Some of us go straight into panic mode. One study suggests a strategy that reframes anxiety as excitement, as both have similar physiological manifestations. However we view or experience anxiety, as speakers, we want to make sure that we are in control, rather than being controlled by our anxiety. Simply doing the…Read on.

My father, Warren Bennis, believed that great leaders are made, not born. And I believe that great speakers are made, not born. Great speakers are practicing skills and techniques, whether they learned them from acting teachers, by watching others, or through play as a child (and adult!).

Dad was a wonderful speaker. Here are a few of the things I learned from him about public speaking…Read on.

The simplest, most accessible, most profound tool we have to enhance our presence, is with us every moment. Our breath.

Calming breath is used for anxiety, vocal quality, grounding, finding your authentic voice, transitions, to connect to your self, to connect with your emotions, and to connect with your audience.

This week, we breathe!