Watching a video of a stage play I did years ago, I was stunned to notice that I sounded like Minnie Mouse. On helium. I know this about myself, that I speed up, but to see the proof was a great reminder that one of my consistent communication challenges (aside from my handwriting!), is that I gallop ahead leaving my audience behind. So many things can contribute to speaking quickly—anxiety, feeling like the content is boring, being type-A, going on auto-pilot. The end result is the same: we are not present, we are not connected to the other/audience, and we miss the opportunity to connect, lead, have impact, move others to action, change ideas, attitudes, and, importantly, to be moved, to be impacted and influenced, to learn from others and our audience. Remember, the best talks and presentations are relational. Instead of telling my clients to “slow down,” I ask them to…Read on.

The work is done. Or not done. It makes no difference. Let it be. Nothing new can be truly integrated 24 hours before an event. In fact, adding, changing, editing in the last 24 hours usually leads to anxiety and “trying to remember” rather than connecting, enjoying, playing. This is time to take care of ourselves. And let the content rest. DAY BEFORE: 1) Sneak into the space and run our talk2) Find the tech folks and make friends with them—tech always goes wrong and they have our backs. 3) Where is the light? Find the light…Read on.

“I know you bought airplane tickets, got a sitter, and booked a hotel, but DO NOT COME. It sucks. I’m awful. Really. It’s embarrassing. My performance is forced and boring and lifeless. I know it started off great, but trust me, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done.” My family and dear friends have all received that call from me in the week or two before opening a show. In response they laugh and say, “Aha! You must be in tech week when everything falls apart. It’s going to be wonderful. I can’t wait! See you opening night!” They understand the rehearsal process and know that this phase, where everything falls apart and each line comes out like a thud, is a critical passage on the way to a free performance. It cannot be skipped. This is true for all rehearsal processes, whether we are practicing for an online power point presentation, a TED Talk, or a heightened conversation. But many of us do not know how to rehearse…Read on.

The great Russian director, Stanislavski, created the modern acting methodology while working with playwright Anton Chekhov. The two were interested in creating theater that was human, rather than performative. The Group Theater brought his method to the US, which quickly gave birth to the many schools of method acting, all of them still preeminent today: Lee Strasberg, Stella Adler, Herbert Berghof and Uta Hagen’s HB Studio, and Sanford Meisner, to name a few. Aside from giving us the “objective” or what I refer to as the Intention, Stanislavski gave us the “beat.” Lore has it that he was saying, “this little bit and then this little bit,” but to an American ear is sounded like… Read on.

At a memorial service for my father at the University of Cincinnati, a man, now in his 60s, told a story I’d never heard. Every week for four years, my father hired a student to drive him 1.5 hours to Columbus to meet with the Ohio State University system and the Governor. One week, the Ohio system would present their arguments for denying the University of Cincinnati entrance into the system. The next, my father would present his position. This man, then a student/driver, remembered a week when the Ohio System reps spoke with slides and graphs and mimeographed handouts for 2.5 hours. The next week, my father spoke for less than two minutes saying something like: “The purpose of higher education is to… Read on.

Ineffable Quality: When I sit in the audience for certain events—plays, concerts, talks—I can feel the difference between a performer who makes me think, “Oh, wow! That is a great performer! What a virtuoso!” and a performer pulls me into the music, the story, who makes me feel part of something bigger. One performer awes me while another touches me. One singer elicits a gasp, “What a voice!” The next envelopes me in the beauty of the music. I marvel at one speaker and see things differently when the next has left the stage. This quality of communication can happen in many realms. A favorite story of my father’s was a description of a man passionately weeping…Read on

In grad school at Smith School for Social Work, we spent time thinking deeply about our own experiences, beliefs, histories, psyches, so that we would not project them onto our clinical clients, but would own them and see our clients more clearly. By knowing ourselves, we can better help others. Good boundaries come from knowing what is our issue and what is our client’s issue. We can gain clarity about our own intentions and boundaries by asking the simple question…Read on.

Last week I wrote about high and low intentions for those in public service. For those of us who are not in public service, our intentions may not be so aspirational, but the rule of thumb still guides us: intentions that are FOR others are high intentions; those intentions that boomerang the attention back onto ourselves are low intentions. Imagine we are interviewing for a job. Or hoping to make a sale. It might be tempting to choose a LOW intention: To get the job; To make the sale; To make them like me; To impress…Read on.

In last week’s post, Persuading a National Audience, I talked about the communication skills of great leaders. One hallmark of great leaders is that their overarching intention or purpose benefits others, mostly those with the least power. These are what I call, “high intentions,” as opposed to intentions that benefit the speaker, which I call “low intentions.” For public leaders, examples of high intentions are: “To give hope,” “To help,” “To support,” “To elevate,” “To shine the light on.” Examples of low intentions are: “To control,” “To convince,” To extract,”…Read on.

Great leaders compel others to struggle together towards a shared vision.

Great leaders work for the good of others; mostly, for those who have the least power.

Therefore, great leaders must be great communicators.

Politicians and those in the public eye often have a team of advisors who prepare them for debates, press conferences, media interviews, and speeches. These advisors focus on things like strategy, speech writing, and talking points. When I work on such a team, my job is to make sure that the speaker’s message is congruent with the speaker’s delivery. I focus on how the content is performed through expression, gesture, body-language, and voice.

Any of you following this blog know that my work with clients is not prescriptive; rather, our work focuses on freeing the speaker to be their full selves—alive, powerful, at ease, appropriate, and riveting. Rather than using a list of rules (“stand like this,” “don’t do that,” “lean in here”), we work towards…Read on

Recently I was on a Zoom call with the inimitable, indomitable, inordinately prolific Tom Peters(!). I joined the Zoom link in time to see Tom’s ceiling, desk, windows, a bookshelf, all flying by as he carried his iPad to the desk. Then I heard, “I’m setting up Ruth.” I had no idea what that might mean until I saw his Ruth Bader Ginsburg bobble-head bobble into view. His colleague, Shelley, said, “Tom, I can see Ruth. Can you move her out of frame?” Tom then propped up his iPad horizontally, placed Ruth on the right, just beyond the camera lens and out of view. Why? Read on.

If I can survive it, so can you.

Too many years ago, I was in a wonderful play, The Other Place by Sharr White. I loved this play and the woman I had the honor to portray. She is a scientist who studies early onset dementia. And, unbeknownst to her, she suffers from early onset dementia.

For this role I was on stage for 90 minutes, an unreliable narrator hoping to find her long lost daughter. The other actors disappear into the audience when not on stage. My words trigger the next scene. Or not.

In previews, I lost my way…Read on

This morning I took my dog on a walk in the woods. A place I’d never been. At some point I realized I was lost. I went around a bend, hoping to see a familiar landmark, but found a whole new path. I knew exactly what I needed to do next: panic. My heart started racing. My voice went up an octave, “It’s OK, Harpo, we’ll make it home…” My eyes darted here and there. I started running through the wet, tick-infested poison ivy. Rounding the corner, I came across a big log to sit on with a sign reading, “Breathe. Listen.” I stopped. Looked around for the wood nymph, Puck, playing games with me. Then, I laughed and followed Puck’s wise advice. I sat down. I took a deep, fresh breath. I listened. I heard the wind. A bird. And then soft voices. And a car. Aha! That way!

This is exactly what I say to clients when they get lost on stage.

Breathe. Listen. The way home will become apparent.

This is what I practice with my clients:…Read on.

Sometimes we have a long, complicated and precise speech, are reading from a book or long quote, or are an on-air journalist or voice-over artist, and want to find a way to make this reading sound vital and extemporaneous. In these cases, I use a “Reader’s Copy” like the one pictured in this photo and the “Taking it off the page” technique illustrated in this video. Otherwise, reading from a text can sound read, sound memorized, because it has the even tempo, lulling us to sleep, rather than waking us up to listen. This is why I prefer talks that are deeply “known” vs. talks that are memorized. Conversational speech has a variety of stops and starts, ups and downs, fast and slow, loud and soft. When we must read or memorize, we work to bring that variety into the delivery.

READER’S COPY

This photo is an example of a Reader’s Copy. I made up all of the symbols because they are clear to me. There are no rules, just use what is clear to you. You can use any way of formatting the text as long as it works for you. As you can see in the photo, generally, I use all caps, bold, italics, parentheses, and mark breaths, pauses, and transitions with backslashes or lines.

Here is what I use for clarity:

//=PAUSE/BREATHE for Transitions, BOLD=EMPHASIZE, hit…Read on.

Shhh…I do NOT tell my speakers there will be safety nets. I do not offer “confidence monitors” or a podium upon which to place pages of text. And yet sometimes, as we near our performance date, it becomes clear that a safety net is required in order to be fully present on stage.

My marvelous acting teacher, Alice Spivak , was called a “dialogue coach” for many famous actors, singers, models, and comedians. She would be on set or in rehearsal and give coaching from the side. One of her clients, the great Diahann Carroll, took on the role of Dr. Livingstone in John Pielmeier’s play Agnes of God on Broadway. For the first weeks, Alice sat in the front row with a copy of the script on her lap. If ever Ms. Carroll lost her way, Alice would tilt up her head, her face mirroring Dr. Livingstone’s emotion, and mouth the words with exaggerated clarity, a safety net lovingly unfurled over the orchestra pit. A seasoned and professional performer knows to ask for support when it is the best choice for the performance and therefore, for the audience.

Susan McCulley has coached many of our speakers at the Charlottesville TEDx. Her background as a writer, editor, artist, and mindful movement instructor give her the skills to support speakers along the way from crafting the text, to embodying the talk. One of her speakers took the very demanding risk of memorizing the entire 18-minute text. The speaker held notes twisting tightly in her hands, but knew she would not…Read on.

Many speakers come to me with a written text that they plan and hope to memorize. The first thing I do is take away the script and ask them to give me the talk right then and there without notes. Off the top of their head. I want to break up that love affair with their text as soon as possible. A memorized talk can be a barrier between the speaker and audience; the speaker’s focus remains on themselves and their text, remembering or forgetting certain lines and phrases. We then begin the work of deconstructing the talk back to what inspired it, reconnecting with its purpose and rhythms to get the speaker back to a sense of aliveness in delivery.

Exceptions to the Rule

Once in a great while, there are talks which invite or even demand word-for-word memorization. These talks are crafted, each word chosen, phrase-by-phrase, the words creating a melody. Maybe the speaker is a poet or spoken-word performer. Maybe the speaker is a writer who knows that the truest way to share what they’ve found, seen, felt, is with this exact language, punctuation, and orchestration; the exact word is the only word.

In these rare cases, the speaker spends weeks, hours, days, reciting until… Read on.

Talks that are memorized sound memorized. Talks that are “winged” sound winged. How do we find the balance so that our talks are both structured and free?

When we speak in public, we strive for a balance that allows for both form and freedom. Both ingredients are vital in any art; finding that balance allows for expression that captures our audience, magnetizes them, “speaks” to them intellectually, emotionally, and takes them on a journey. Without that balance we are left with extremes: talks that are measured, polished, perfected and controlled, or talks that are unprepared, rambling, and incoherent. The rigid talks leave the audience cold, unmoved, and perhaps bored, while the raw, ad-libbed talks leave us baffled and maybe even angry to have given the gift of our attention to someone who does not respect our time.

In my work with clients, I make a distinction between ‘memorizing’ and ‘knowing.’ And I use both.

“Memorizing” means…Read on.

Many of my clients are afraid of emotions. They worry that their talk, presentation, or challenging interaction, will be hijacked by emotion. They fear that they will be derailed, humiliated, and that their reputation may never recover. This is especially true of women, who may have internalized the message that they need to be “more like men,” i.e. less emotional. The fear is that emotional vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

What actors know is that:

*Emotions are simply the by-products of actions (intentions).

*Emotions only have the power to derail us when we try…Read on

In case you missed this live show last week, here is a link to my interview with the warm, wise, and wonderful Lynsie McKeown on her Voice America radio show, Women Thriving Unapologetically. In which we talk about…Read on.

My father, Warren Bennis, believed that great leaders are made, not born. And I believe that great speakers are made, not born. Great speakers are practicing skills and techniques, whether they learned them from acting teachers, by watching others, or through play as a child (and adult!).

Dad was a wonderful speaker. Here are a few of the things I learned from him about public speaking…Read on.